1. Smokers
2. Environment Colorado

Let’s deal with number one first. I know you look cool, and sexy, in a James Dean kind of way. Your allure is undeniable. But here’s the thing. Even when you are walking down the street, you are polluting everyone’s air. Even if we pass for one second, I get one breath of your toxins shipped via highly efficient vescicles straight into my pretty pink lungs. And it makes me pissy. You see, this happens about once a day to me, despite my efforts to hold my breath at every sight of searing ash. One breath a day is seven breaths a week, which is one cigarette. That adds up to a little over two packs a year. I don’t need that. So, please don’t be offended when I give you dirty looks, honk at you, and and maybe even take my aggressions out on you in the street. Or maybe you should, because my lungs are offended by your filth.

Number two: “Can you spare a minute to help fight global warming?” I nod my head vigorously no, I am busy cramming my impromptu lunch of chocolate croissant into my mouth post work, in a flurry on the way to class. “Not just one minute?” “No (Goshdarnit!) I have class!” Unlike you, I am headed to a class that will help me bring health and a more pleasant environment to people all over the world. I use CFL’s. I recycle everything. I love renewable energy, and I do the best I can, so don’t cop an attitude because I don’t have a couple minutes to hear about you pretending to do something worthwhile, pester me for money, and then spend it all on overhead for your lame-o organization that I have never heard of accomplishing anything besides bothering people on Pearl Street. Not that I don’t appreciate your effort to help the environment, but why not spend your time doing something useful. I am sure that your work would amount to something much better than the occasional $10 you make on the mall. And if you insist on lobbying, why not try a place that isn’t one of the greenest communities in the country? Or perhaps your local politician? Or run for politician? Use your brain please. I know it seems fun to be liberal in Boulder, we all are, but you don’t have to be a moron at the same time.

I promise I am not a bitter person, but seriously. Seriously???